But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize