I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
