bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
