highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
