he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
