I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
