paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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