All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
