I feel great
I just peed on a car
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
