Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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