This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
