he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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