ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
