shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize