i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
