Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
