mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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