I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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