I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
