I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
