Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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