I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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