Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize