Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize