Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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