I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
