im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize