And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
