I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
