Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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