Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
