btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
