So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
