Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
