WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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