I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
