She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
