I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize