it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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