I'm jealous of your bromance
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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