how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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