I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
