I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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