there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
