youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
