I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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