your parents love me but you hate me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
