His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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