Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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