so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
