I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
