I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
