She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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