No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
