Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
