there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
