Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize