The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
