Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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