I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize