Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
