I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
