Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
