we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't deserve a penis
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
His nipple licking is glorious
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