we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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