I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
