My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
