I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Damn victory sex feels great
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
