end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
